Things my twins said : Sleep training

As a parent of twins toddlers obviously enforcing them to sleep in their own bed consistently is necessary. They have grown so much bigger anyway, we could not fit in my double bed mattress anymore!
But in reality it is so, so much harder. The arguments are endless and sometimes their reasoning is beyond hilarious, as in tonight scene:

Nandra came to our room, climbing up the bed, forcing to get inside between me and her father, exclaiming: "I want milk!"
Dad: "Okay I'll make you milk if you go back to your room."
Nandra agrees, but then she plays with my phone until it falls in her mouth and made her wailed. Her father tried comforting her, of which in this process she suddenly falls asleep (still in our bed). I didn't want to move her to her own bed yet because sometimes she would wake up during commotion (and I never ever want to wake a sleeping kid!).

In a few minutes Ditra came to our room, admittedly looking for her sister but got distracted by coins in my shelves and start playing with them. I forced to bring her back to her room. Similarly, she asked:
"I want milk!"
I tried to persuade her that she doesn't need milk, but since she had a nap at early evening it was more difficult to lull her back to sleep. So her father went down to make some milk, while I went back to my room to pray.

After giving the milk to Ditra, her father said: "Okay, now drink your milk and then go to sleep. I want to go back and sleep too."

Ditra: "You can sleep here too, Daddy." (innocently)
Dad: "No, I want to go back to my room."


Ditra (sighing) and reply: "But why nobody wants to join me?"





Surely after this tactic, Dad (burst into laughter inside) finally give in: "Okay then dear, I'll sleep with you."


And there goes our sleep training tonight. Better luck next time!

Toilet training tips for twins (part 1)

Toilet trained kids are parents' biggest successes. Tapi prosesnya sungguh merupakan mimpi buruk orang tua.

Saya mulai serius menerapkan training untuk anak-anak pada tahun lalu, ketika mereka berumur 2 tahun 9 bulan. Sebelumnya kadang saya terapkan, kadang tidak. Hasil dari training 'nggak serius' ini hanyalah perasaan deg-degan saya terbirit-birit menggendong mereka ke toilet setelah hampir ngompol entah di mana-mana. Si kembar hanya bisa bilang kalau sudah pipis, bukan kalau mau pipis. Bikin stress dan bikin cucian numpuk, yang ujung-ujungnya mereka kembali saya pakaikan pampers.

Tahun lalu ketika kami pindah ke Inggris, guru nursery si kembar bilang kalau pada umur empat tahun si kembar harus sudah toilet trained, kalau tidak mereka tidak akan diterima di reception (semacam pra-SD). Akibat kepepet inilah, maka saya pun mulai membuat resolusi: di umur 3 tahun mereka sudah harus toilet-trained.

Setelah mempelajari berbagai macam resources tentang cara toilet training, saya berkesimpulan bahwa hanya ada satu cara efektif, yakni langsung lepas pampers sama sekali. Yang kedua, saya tidak menggunakan potty, tapi langsung mengajar mereka ke toilet dengan menggunakan toilet seat. Walaupun toilet di rumah kami hanya ada di lantai dua dan harus naik tangga dulu, tapi saya pikir ini membuat saya tidak harus membersihkan terlalu banyak barang. Yang ketiga, awalnya saya tidak menggunakan sistem reward seperti stiker atau kue sebagai gimmick ketika mereka (misalnya) berhasil pipis/pup di toilet. Alasannya sederhana saja, awalnya saya merasa harusnya itu bukan sesuatu yang harus diberi reward, tapi sesuatu yang normal dan dilakukan semua orang dan harus mereka pelajari.

Sebagai pengganti pampers, untuk beberapa hari pertama saya pakai training pants Mothercare yang cukup menyerap. Sayangnya si kembar tidak suka pakai training pants dan saya harus melewati sesi nangis-nangis drama setiap kali pakai training pants. Saya pun mengganti strategi dan membeli celana dalam biasa tapi dengan motif yang disukai anak, seperti motif Frozen atau princess Sofia. Celana ini saya jadikan iming-iming pengganti reward di atas, seperti: 'kalau pipis di celana sayang kan kita harus ganti celana princess Sofia-nya, makanya pipisnya di toilet yaa'. Strategi ini kadang berhasil untuk membujuk Ditra yang tidak suka kotor dan suka benda-benda yang cantik-cantik. Tapi buat Nandra yang cuek tingkat keberhasilannya tetap rata-rata, alias suka-suka dia.

Selain celana dalam cantik, yang pertama saya beli adalah dingklik alias kursi kecil untuk dipakai kembar naik ke toilet. Ternyata ini adalah alat yang sangat penting dan menunjang kemandirian, karena membuat mereka bisa meraih berbagai permukaan di kamar mandi selain toilet. Bisa ambil sikat gigi sendiri, masuk ke bath tub sendiri, naik ke toilet sendiri dan seterusnya. Karena toiletnya terjangkau, mereka jadi lebih mudah dan tidak malas pergi ke toilet.

Bulan pertama, si kembar pipis dimana-mana. Everywhere. Termasuk di sekolah, di taman, di luar rumah, di dalam rumah, di berbagai permukaan, sofa, karpet, dan kayu. Betapapun seringnya kami meneror dengan omongan 'mau pipis ngga?' tiap 5 menit, setiap kali bapak ibunya lengah mereka pipis di celana. Ditra sebagai yang tidak suka kotor akan menangis keras-keras tiap kali dia ngompol dengan penuh drama. Sebaliknya, Nandra cenderung cuek kalau sudah ngompol, dan malah bergerak dan menyebarkan pipisnya kemana-mana. Saat bisa bernafas lega hanyalah ketika mereka saya pakaikan pampers di malam hari.

Untuk tahap ini, tipsnya hanyalah: sabar dan lindungi rumah anda! saya siapkan penghilang noda karpet dan setumpuk lap dari kaos bekas di rumah sehingga siap digunakan tiap kali terjadi 'accident'. Setiap kali mereka tidak pipis di tempatnya, kami akan mengatakan 'pipis di toilet, bukan di celana' berulang-ulang sebagai upaya cuci otak. Seluruh kasur kami alasi mattress protector dari bahan plastik anti air,  supaya kalau tidur siang mereka ngompol tidak kena kasur. Yang menarik, kalau kami sedang pergi mereka justru jarang ngompol, mungkin karena rasanya lebih enak ya pipis di rumah hahaha. Pada tahap ini, si kembar juga masih pup di celana, sehingga lengkaplah penderitaan kami.

cerita berikutnya lanjut ya ke part 2 :D

Merawat anak step di Inggris

Si kembar dari kecil sering sakit. Mungkin karena daya tahan tubuh mereka yang lebih rendah akibat kelahiran prematur, tapi sejak umur enam bulan mereka bisa menghabiskan beberapa hari di rumah sakit (karena diare, flu, hingga step) setiap 2-3 bulan sekali. Setiap kali panas dan mereka (sekiranya akan) step, kami akan langsung ke klinik/RS terdekat dan ketika mereka step akan diberikan obat stesolit melalui (maaf) pantat. Masalah step ini menjadi horor terbesar buat saya dan Anto. Hingga usia dua tahun, Nandra sudah 4x step dan Ditra sudah 3x step, seluruhnya pada suhu sekitar 38,5 ke bawah.

Ketika kami pindah ke Inggris, resiko step anak menjadi momok utama, apalagi dokter luar negeri selalu diisukan 'pelit obat'. Kami berusaha membawa obat yang sekiranya akan dibutuhkan anak kami, mulai dari obat flu, obat batuk, obat pelega pernapasan, obat panas, obat stesolit, dan lain-lain (berdasarkan segala sejarah pengobatan anak-anak kami).

Belum sebulan di Inggris, Nandra panas (sepertinya akibat perubahan cuaca dari autumn ke winter). Di hari kedua dia panas dia step ketika kami mau berangkat ke dokter pada gendongan saya. Saya otomatis masukkan tangan ke mulutnya dan minta tolong kakak saya memanggilkan ambulan. Tidak sampai 5 menit ambulannya langsung datang dan Nandra langsung ditangani dua paramedik yang kemudian membawanya ke RS untuk check-up lebih lanjut. Dari sinilah kemudian saya mengetahui betapa berbedanya cara penanganan step di Inggris dan Indonesia.

Kalau anak panas, dokter Inggris akan menyuruh anda membuka SEMUA baju anak  dan membiarkannya tanpa selimut (seperti foto Nandra main dengan mainan rumah sakit di atas). Dokter tidak akan memberi obat apapun kecuali obat sapu jagad (paracetamol dan ibuprofen)untuk diberikan setiap empat jam, kecuali kalau ada diagnosis infeksi seperti tenggorokan merah atau infeksi paru seperti nafas berbunyi.Ketika nandra panas lagi setelah step namun jatah obat paracetamolnya sudah habis (saking seringnya panas turun seharian) suster meletakkan anak saya di bawah AC kamar dan membuka jendela di kala winter. Kalau bisa malah direndam di air dingin katanya (tapi saya tolak). Logika dari ini adalah menurut mereka step terjadi karena temperatur tubuh naik terlalu cepat. Sehingga perlu upaya eksternal yang membuat tubuh sulit menaikkan suhu. Kalau di Indonesia, step terjadi karena panas yang tidak merata antara kepala dan kaki, sehingga yang dilakukan adalah menyelimuti kaki dan mengompres kepala. Oya, di di Inggris anda juga tidak boleh memeluk anak anda saat panas karena dapat menyebabkan panasnya meningkat. 

Saking ketakutannya, saya dan suami kadang membawa anak ke dokter berkali-kali walaupun tidak diberi obat. Melihat track record bolak balik inipun dokter memberikan penjelasan ke kami soal panas pada anak. Menurutnya, panas pada anak itu tidak apa-apa. Dia akan bilang 'I'm still okay with temperature even around 38-39 degrees'  asal tidak diikuti dengan gejala lain seperti tidak makan, tidak pipis, lesu, atau nafas bunyi dan bercak kemerahan. Kalaupun anak step, menurutnya 'there's nothing you can do to prevent it, just let it be'. Di Inggris pemberian stesolit tidak diperbolehkan karena ditakutkan menyebabkan gagal nafas. Kalau step, mulut anak tidak boleh diganjal dengan apapun seperti di Indonesia. Menurut si dokter anak tidak akan menggigit lidahnya sampai ekstrim. Jadi kalau step di Inggris, anak hanya dimiringkan saja dan ditunggui hingga usai stepnya. Kalau lebih dari lima belas menit baru step dianggap berbahaya.

Alhamdulillah, sejak mengikuti prosedur tersebut, sudah hampir setahun si kembar tidak pernah step lagi walaupun masih terkadang demam. Insya Allah sehat terus ya...aamiin :D

Catatan:

Step = demam yang diikuti kejang selama 3-7 menit, istilah Inggrisnya febrile convulsion.

Rotherham BBQ Picnic

As the weather becomes warmer, last Saturday me and and a group of dear friends, went for a BBQ trip in Rotherham Park, just in the edge of Sheffield. Andra,  Gibran and Rara drove down from Edinburgh; and Cindy, Pandu and their baby boy Hanan came from Oxford. It was very nice to catch up with them and play around after a stressful presentation week beforehand.

Andra was 8,5 months pregnant but still very much active and able to play around happily with the twins who love their Tante Andra :D

We cooked BBQ beef ribs, shrimps and veggie satay, sausages, fries and ate in the meadow. As it is located next to a lake, there were quite a lot of duck poo (!) but we managed to find a cleaner space above the hill for our barbecue. Newly walking baby Hanan loved the park and played with dirt and grass before laying tired in the picnic mat.

 Thank you for the wonderful company, guys! Let's do it again after Andra's baby is born :D

(credit: all photo belongs to Andra + Gibran)

about compassion

Being born as twins means you have your special company for life.
But it also can become your never-ending bickering and fighting mate now and again (and again and again and again and again--you get what I mean).
I'm writing this in the middle of chaotic afternoon of packing and cleaning home before heading to Indonesia for my upcoming fieldwork.
The girls were fighting for food, toys, everything (!).
But then one of them lost her toy and the other found it for her and then hugged her.
It makes me feel slightly guilty having impatiently yelled one of them for spilling the milk to the carpet earlier.
Because showing emotion is important, but alas, showing compassion is forever necessary.

(top photos nandra (left) playing something that ditra (right) is obviously not happy of)

Things my twins said

The twins Ditra and Nandra have shown more and more personality these days.

I felt that I need to write down these moments of their lives and post it from time to time before it slipped away. They are just three and a half years olds, and they will say things so mature at one point and a very childish the seconds after (and learned how to tricked their parents for sure).

Earlier last month I went to a music concert with Anto. Naturally, seeing their parents (trying to) walk out the door, they eagerly reached to us and wanted to go along.

Parents: Ok, bye now, we'll see you soon tonight. You guys go with Grandma and Aunty, ok

Nandra (doting on her mom): This is my mommy! (meaning: mommy can't go)

Ditra (doting to her dad): But this is my family. My special family. (meaning: why can't I go too?)

Parents: (thinking of other way to persuade them to let us leave)

Aunty:  Who wants to shop at Home Bargain with Aunty?

Nandra (running to her aunty): err....okay

Ditra (running to her aunty too): I want belanja (I want to shop)

Dad (slightly hurt): Hei, you said it's your special family!

Lesson learned: My twins like shopping in a grocery store more than their parents (-.-")

How Not to Let People Walk All Over You

People are all over me these days. Need to consciously remind myself this following notes more often.

(notes taken from here)

Brighton Trip

Last weekend we went to Brighton for two days. I was there for a conference, but we brought the kids as well so they can explore more places in this country.

We catched an early train at 05.30, which meant leaving at cold morning at 04.30 while you just finished cleaning and packing at 03.00 = zero sleep ;)

All of that was very much worth it, as the city was warm and beautiful! We had so much fun there. I'm not a person who travel a lot, but since I have kids I kind of think that it is necessary to expose them to new experience every now and then. 

Brighton is well known for its beach, and it is packed with tourists everywhere. While I attended the conference, Anto and the kids spend the time in the beach, just having fun.

Of course, the obligatory odong-odong ride in front of museum in Brighton Pier...

Played in a stoney beach, whoa! brighton beach was nothing like any beach I have seen before. It is completely covered in small pebble stones instead of sands.The kids were completely amazed, they could have played there for hours picking all those stones!

As it is a beach city, the main food is obviously the good 'ol fish n chips. The kids ate it as well as chicken nugget and tasted mayonnaise for the first time--they licked every single drop of it, Anto had to go back to the restaurant to ask for more mayo.

The kids also ate a giant choco and banana crepes, it was very delicious...and VERY messy. Nandra loved every single bit of it.

We stayed in the cheapest accommodation we could find that allow us to take children (most of cheap b&b or hostels only allow for visitor aged 18 or above). The view from the hotel's window in the morning was breathtaking.

We also found a very nice and quite authentic Indonesian restaurant in there, that makes it a very complete trip. We shared the meals with other Indonesian colleagues from the conference. Their gulai, rendang and ikan bumbu bali were beyond fantastic.

We head home completely tired--the kids spent most of their train ride sleeping. I had a deadline though at that day--so no chance of sleeping together (boo!).

Last but not least, here's another photo of Brighton by the beach, the 'postcard' photo of the city:

(can't help but thinking, why all of UK cities had to have at least one giant 'bianglala'?)

In between deadlines

My upgrade report deadline as PhD student is looming in, and with that comes the cloud of anxiety that never left in the past two weeks.

Cooking spinach becomes a gargantuan task, and I managed to accidentally spill half bottle of salt to the pot.Needless to say,the spinach was out of the window and we eat 'telor ceplok' instead.

My brother, who also has to submit his second year report for performance review, made a hole in his wife's skirt as the iron was too hot. He later joked that it is still wearable. Unfortunately for him, it was his wife's favourite skirt.

My kids spend most of their times in local parks, one of them is located near my campus building. I can feed them during lunch hour while watching pigeons and swan in front of a small lake. It was pretty fun most of the time, until a flock of pigeons started to feel interested at your kids lunch.

Although every morning I wake up feeling stressed, every time I looked at my growing kids face, they also remind me that everything is only temporary. Only a few things really matter in this life, and we can always buy some more spinach :)

Independence abroad

Today is our family's first independence day abroad. Just like other indonesian events, we ate and play too much :)

It was a clear day (with occasional raining)..

First we gathered around the nasi tumpeng and started singing our national anthem twice...all heads were turning at us.

Then we jumped around...

mbak Rully feed (many,many) pigeons...

To warm our bodies from very chilly wind, the boys played football for a while. Anto played like crazy and didn't sweat at all.

But after some time we would just like to chill before going home.

We brought some souvenir home for the kids to play :)

Happy independence day folks!

Settling in

After a few months, We are finally settling in Sheffield again, me, Anto and the kids.

And now we are trying to make this house just a little bit homey.

 

But there is one thing remains the same wherever you are.

 

...piles of the kids' laundry.

babies on board

they've been here for two months and 6 days.
Kanaditra Deshari + Kianandra Deshira, welcome to the (blogger) world, kids.

*smooches

#22 november is....

novel's birthday!

in this birthday plane of yours, i just want to say that although the skies outside may seem cloudy, there will always be more pictures to capture, more places to visit, more prosperity to come for you out there...
but most of all, i wish you happiness throughout this year, and years after!

#21 to dearest grandpa

My dear grandpa, or Eyang Atung, celebrates his 82nd birthday yesterday. Although I couldn't be there for him yesterday, my thoughts and prayer goes with you, Grandpa. Your love and spirit for the family are the things that I will cherish forever, other than your crafty hand and that green thumb of yours! You took care of me when I was a child, made me all my doll's furniture and taught me how to draw and plant a tree. Even now you're still making miscellaneous things for me and your two upcoming great-grandchildren! I wish you good health and more happy years to come, Gramps.

_your eldest granddaughter

#20 on colouring suz

Coloring is the hardest part of an illustration process for me. Sometimes it's even harder than usual, which is the case with my last drawing. I asked several friends for opinion on what color should I put for Suz's goat illustration. I ended up with the black-and-brown one (as you can see in the previous post), but most of my friends choose the white-and-brown combo. What do you think?

For me, I don't think I can ever get a firm grip on coloring.

#19 zee goat

My friend's real name is Pria, but that name has been long forgotten and replaced with Suz (there's a long story behind that--another story). He's a strong-willed,straightforward guy and usually always adamant to his decision. He used to study in the oil and gas department, but left and change into architecture because he just couldn't stand in it (i won't debate this, i thought he is an excellent and skillful designer).

Me and Suz share A LOT of arguments all the time because we are both so different, and in a strange way we respect each other. Sometime I thought he's like an uptight goat who has his own opinion about everything, and likes to wander to many places on his own. This is true--you can dump him everywhere and he'll live (thanks to his profound knowledge about buses). This illustration is for your true love to boxes Suz, and for many more arguments to come:)

#18 bird bonanza

Yet another birdlove post! This glamorous bird is Northern Cardinal, and I think the name suits him too well. He has red fur all over him like a grand cowl that a cardinal or pope uses all the time. However, his spike-y red fur in the head gave him that edgy look, not to mention black part in his eye, just like a mask of zorro or something.

Next, I have a goat to conquer....

#17 going home

Finally out from the hospital after 4 days as an inpatient!Hopefully I'm not coming back until
the due date arrives...

Now I'm back at home with the ultimate back pain ever and cramps every now and then. A little (longer) break is in order i guess.

#16 mei the ladybug

My friend Mei is a true phlegmatic, she doesn't like to argue and highly comfortable in her own skin. She does what she want and she couldn't care less with other people's opinion. A few years ago in her birthday she chose to spend it all day in her dormitory room sleeping instead of going out with all of us, who waited in the campus wondering where she was at the moment. Truth to be told, I love her because of that.

She loves ladybug and has quite a collection of ladybug pieces all placed in her tidy (freakishly tidy) room. This animal suits you just fine Mei, with its neatly stored wing and petite frame (and in the case of my illustration, a slightly naughty look : D)

#15 bo the bear

My friend Bo has always been the biggest among all of us although he might also the most elastic big guy I have ever known. Me and him like to share loads of cynical and sarcastic jokes and he always been the one who's able to complete my sentences regardless of how different we are in many sides of our lives.

Here's to you Blue Bear Bo..keep your dreams alive.
(You can shortened it into BBB but I have no intention of comparing you to Raffi Ahmad..you're way a better man in terms of ability to do 'sendratari' (and in overall), although that guy owns a camaro..but you'll have your mercedes in no time ;))